But where do we find this love? In this world in our material consciousness we don’t. And that’s why there is so much anger in the home. Because when you get married… Of course marriages, you know, kind of almost obsolete, but that is how it’s supposed to be… You get married and you choose this person to be your partner because you think, I mean the idea is, “They are going to make me happy.”
And that is the role people play, that is what they try to convince each other. The guy, “Oh, you should be with me, baby, I will make you happy. Look at me, I’ve got my muscles. I’m what you need.” And she is playing her little game, “Oh, yes. I can cook good. I can make you happy. I’ll understand you. I’ll listen to you. I’ll satisfy you in all the ways.” “Oh, great, we are going to have a wonderful time together.”
So they get married, hearts and flowers on the limousines and the whole scene. And then after the honeymoon is over, and however long that takes (sometimes one night, sometimes one year, sometimes a few years), all this beautiful sweet wonderful love begins to diminish, diminish and ultimately becomes very bitter. And this person who was supposed to make you happy didn’t and so therefore comes anger.
And in the great Vedic scripture Bhagavad-gita, this is the main scripture that we study in bhakti yoga, it’s described very clearly by the Supreme Lord Krishna, He says, “From contemplation of the objects of the senses attachment develops.”
So here we are, we are contemplating, “Oh, I want to get with this person.” We are contemplating the ideal person, whatever, we are contemplating our lover. “From contemplation of the object of the senses attachment…” Either we are attached to a person or to the idea. Hopefully… We are hoping we can take the idea into a real person. So we get attached to the person.
From attachment comes lust. Now we are in this category of lust. We call it love, “Oh, I thought about you, I’m so attached. I love you,” but really it’s not, it’s lust. And then, when this lust reveals its true nature, I’m not satisfied and what is the next step? Anger. From lust comes anger.
And that’s why we are so angry. If you have ever noticed, the one you love the most is the one you hate the most.
Have you ever noticed that? Somebody you don’t really care much about, you don’t hate them that much no matter what they do, “I don’t like you anymore. I don’t want to be around.” But when you love the most is when you hate the most. You have a special vocabulary reserved specifically for them. So when you are angry, you can just cut into pieces with your words, you dig deep, to hurt them the most. And they have the same thing reserved for you. (laughs) And there it goes. And then it goes past words into beatings and all the crazy things that go on in the name of love. And then they come back again, “Oh, but I love you, I’m sorry.”(laughs)
I know a girl, very attractive girl, but for some reason and I don’t know why, maybe she knows, I doubt it, she was very attracted to criminals, guys that have been in jail really turned her on. And so she got involved with one guy. He gets out of jail, she gets involved with him, you know. He is a hard guy, he is not just some soft guy. And so they have their love and then they have their hate. So she leaves him and then…
What is the next thing she does? Gets another criminal, you know. And the same thing again. Three times she did the same thing. I asked her, “What are you doing? You think this is a good idea?” And the last guy threatened her mother like, “I want to kill you. I want to kill your mother. I want to kill everybody.” So she was hiding, and running. I said, “This is enough? You like the stuff?”
Finally, she got somebody who was, you know, quite suitable comparing to these guys and now she is a little better off.
You know, this is it. We all have our little fetishes like I like criminals or I like this, or I like that. It’s all about my pleasure: what am I going to get out of it? That is not love, see. Remember what love is? Giving, not taking.
And it is the same thing. Parents want certain things from their children, “Oh, let’s have these children. Let’s have a child. And we will have so much pleasure from this child.” But the child doesn’t give the parents that much pleasure, the child grows up and leaves home. He is not interested in home life with mom and dad. He wants to be with his friends and have this whole life. And now they are like, “Look, I’ve raised you, I did everything for you.
What do I get back? I sent you to university, I’ve paid so much money on you and you are just a bump. You never call home except when you need money.” So they want something back. They are willing to put in a lot because they love the kid, but when the kid doesn’t give them back what they thought they were going to get…ooh, not so happy about that.
Again, this is lust. I don’t care what level you are take it on, whether it’s between parents and children, husbands and wives, whatever. Friends, same thing. Somebody who is your friend, you get nothing from them, then “What do I need you for? You don’t offer me anything.” You changed.
Or the other classic thing, “Oh, dear John, I used to love you, but I don’t love you anymore.” You see, love is not cheap, love is not temporary, “I love you so much. Now I don’t love you anymore. I love another guy because he represents pleasure. I’ve already seen what you’ve got to offer me. You didn’t make it. This other guy has a lot to offer so I’m going with him. Bye-bye.”
That’s why nobody wants to get married anymore because it’s too complicated to get out. So it becomes a throwaway society, just get in, enjoy as long as it happens and then you can get out easy, no problem. But if you get marriage and all this legal stuff, then you get, “Oh man, she wants my house, she wants my car.” It’s too complicated. So like I said marriages are becoming more and more obsolete.
But according to these true spiritual teachings, marriage is a spiritual institution. It’s a spiritual institution. Marriage should be based on spiritual life. Why do you come together with another person? So you can together work as a team in your devotional life of service to God. That’s a spiritual marriage. You may have disagreements but the bottom foundation of the marriage is a spiritual platform. It’s not some platform of sensual pleasure that runs out, gets bitter.