Actually, the best marriage is when the husband and the wife are so busily engaged in service to Krishna that they almost don’t see each other:
-How are you doing?
-All right!
– I’ve got to go to do stuff.
-Yeah, me too.
They get along great. It’s not because they don’t see each other. It’s because they’re actually doing what they’re supposed to do with their life so they’re very happy. They are not dependent on this person to make him (her) happy, their happiness is in serving Krishna.
In a spiritual marriage, their marriage is a partnership serving Krishna. So, in any partnership both partners have to agree on how the partnership will be conducted. Then you’ve got some understanding.
So, why would somebody want to marry someone if they actually thought they’re completely stupid, they have no intelligence, incapable of doing anything really. Why would somebody want somebody like that? Why? So you can control them completely, so you can just manipulate them anyway you want. That’s the only reason. This whole scenario I was describing is completely: you are my servant, I’m the lord, I’m the master, you’re the servant. That’s an illusion, it’s not true.
You should not see her simply as a person who is supposed to wash your clothes or cook for your enjoyment, etc. However, this does not mean that she should not do these things. That’s fine, she can do it. But if you say, “That’s your job, that’s who you are; you’re my dishwasher, my clothes washer, my cook.”
After all, the wife should be taking care of the family that means the husband and the children. But, again, that totally depends on the situation, how much is involved in that. I’ve known many couples that were busy in their devotional service and the husband said, “Ok, I have time, I’ll cook tonight, because she’s doing something else.” “Ok, you are doing that, then I can cook, or I can wash this, or I can take care of the kids, or whatever it is.” There’s a team here, there’s a partnership, they’re working together. Or they’ve been very busy, they come home, and they cook together, “Ok, you’ll cook this, I’ll cook that.” It is not like:
-I’m the husband, I don’t cook. You’re the wife, you cook. Hurry up, I’m hungry.
-Can you help?
-What help? Are you nuts? Women’s work.
No, this is not a partnership, this is controlling: I am the guy, you do this, I don’t do it.
And she should not be doing these things in the mood of anger or obligation. She should not be feeling bitterness. But if she’s forced to do these things, what do you think will come out of that? Anger, bitterness. See, when the relationship is as it should be, then she wants to do it. That’s good. Then there’s no anger, there’s no bitterness, there’s no obligation.
If you are the husband and feel like you are the enjoyer or the lord, and she is supposed to be your servant, and she is not serving you nicely, etc., then, of course, she will not be happy, because she will experience within herself that she is wasting her time serving a false lord. In other words, if your consciousness is that of a false lord, and you are enjoying lording over her, then, because she has some spiritual vision, she will naturally see you as a rascal. Then she will simply want to serve Krishna and not have anything to do with you.
But reality is: people who want to have this kind of wifes, don’t want them to have any spiritual vision. That’s why they keep convincing them, “You have no vision. Anything you see is illusion. You have no vision, no understanding,” keep them convinced that they are in that position. Because if they do have spiritual vision, if they allow them to have it, they will see, “You are a rascal, I am not going to serve you.” So, the idea is to keep them subjugated from beginning to end to maintain control.